Hello From Vlaardingen!

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bakery, black and white, bread, Dutch, farm, historical, lake, Netherlands, old town, river, vintage, Vlaardingen, windmill

I just started going through some images that I had taken over the past couple of months. I have been home with a nasty flu and miss going on daily strolls with my husband Collin. I miss exploring and as I have so recently moved to Europe (omg I LIVE in EUROPE! Still can’t hardly believe it) everything is so new and exciting. I can spend hours staring out of the window on our road trips. If Collin stopped every time that I said “look hunnie” or “what the heck is that” we would never get anywhere.

I have also started uploading a few images that I especially like to a website that you can find here
netherlands photos
And here are some of my favorites that came from my camera….

The streets in the neighborhoods are brick over sand. I watched the guys laying these bricks one-by-one

all by hand. Truly back breaking work and much faster than I originally expected. I love that there is no

asphalt here except on the main city streets. It adds to the character of the city as well as keeping things

traditional. I find that the Dutch are quite practical. The old bricks are removed, new sand is added to raise

the street level, and most of the original bricks are relaid.

This farmhouse is across the lake near home. We live on the edge of the city where forest cows, sheep,

horses, swans, and other farm animals roam freely and intermingles. There are no fences to speak of.

The natural waterways separate pastures from roads.

This is Klootwijk Bakkerij- Fresh baked bread is the norm here- I’ve seen lines going out the door and

onto the sidewalk at these places. The aromas are fantastic. We love to have a kaas broodje on our

morning strolls-nothing like fresh baked bread with molten cheese in the center mmmm…..

Home Sweet Bliss

Home Sweet Bliss.

Home Sweet Bliss

 

Locked out of my blog 3 times because I couldn’t remember the password-Not good. To my friend Laurie…. my apologies 🙂 

Here are a couple of recent pics from Broek Polder-a forest across the bridge where Collin and I go for long hikes/strolls-We went to check out the damage after the big storm that came through on Monday. I had planned on going through to see the changing of the leaves but the high winds blew most of them off of the trees and into the mud. 

 

 

 

 

collin-119.jpg

Be back tomorrow!!!

Refuge

Tags

daughters, daydream, escape, hope, love, missing, road tripping, running, secret

The past couple of months have been eventful. Unfortunately, there were negative events that I thought I was dealing with just fine and moving forward….until the past week. It’s all coming crashing down, and me with it.

I had some major relationship shifts-some revelations. I realized that love really has many different shades. What I thought was red hot romance became a cool mint green and it’s comforting to know I have a friend for life. No matter what.  I’ve also discovered that I am the best ever at misreading signals-UGH!! Lesson number 87 in humility… and getting over it. I’ve met new people, felt butterflies in my stomach, and even spent a short time getting closer with my older daughter. The situation changed and now she’s gone again. In and out, up and down, the roller-coaster ride that is my life never ends. Where do I get off and go back to the carousel with the bright lights, pretty ponies and festive music???

I can feel it coming. That pressure in my chest, the tingle up the left side of my neck and I can’t breathe… my lungs just wont open up. It’s anxiety. I sense it on the rise and I know I have to do something quick. Run away!!! my brain says-but “it” will just chase me. Call him my heart says-but I can’t risk anyone knowing what a basket case I have become today. Stop and go THERE my common sense says-somehow any fragment of common sense hides until I’m at this desperate point. It’s the only way. So I stop in my tracks. Close my eyes. Everything around me disappears. The noise fades, I feel the tension leave my body as I transport myself to another place… The ocean. Waves crashing in a storm. I am standing on top of jagged rocks waiting for the next wave to come in-the wind whipping my hair into my face. My clothes are getting drenched from the spray of sea water and I don’t even care. It’s icy cold. Arms crossed and fists clenched tight so nothing can get in to my heart….I’m safe.  But the tension has gone and now I can let go, let the air flood back into my lungs. A deep breath, a smile returns to my face and my eyes open. Nothing  has changed while I was gone…Except me.  And my secret storm subsides until I need refuge another time.

Wandering – Searching For “Home”

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desert, hope, love, memories, missing, rain, running, Sleep, sun, Victorville, Washington

It’s been difficult for me living here in the dark rainy Pacific Northwest the past two years. I used to LOVE rain growing up in the Mojave desert. The thunder and lightening storms thrilled me and standing in the pouring rain on a hot 100° plus day was awesome!
I left the town I grew up in when I hit 18 and ended up wandering around LA and Riverside for years. The weather in most places was sticky, the air was thick with smog and I couldn’t breathe.

Not like I did in Victorville.

I remember running track in Jr High and High School and feelin the hot air rip through my lungs. I always paced myself with the fastest and pushed to beat my previous personal records. 5:38 – my fastest mile. That was thrilling to me. The runners high after. Closing my eyes to the desert sun and gasping for the clean dry air.

I visited Victorville last summer with my daughter. We spent a week and guess what….. It was 102° and the rain began…. My heart raced and I felt a lump in my throat… I couldn’t wait to get outside- and then I felt a deep sadness. I had left this place years ago because I felt so trapped- I wanted to see things and experience Los Angeles and the “hustle and bustle”- well I’d experienced it alright. And as I stood there in the rain waiting for my ride, I felt a loss of innocence hit me and almost a heartbreak for the places and friends I’d left behind. Memories came flooding back. Loves and crushes adventures and accomplishments.

I moved here to Washington State to be closer to my parents- we’d been apart for nearly 20 years. I’ve been here for 2 years now and they have decided to retire back to California. Not the desert mind you, most likely central Cali. So now I have no reason to stay here. It’s me and my girls and we are free to go where life may lead.

All of this has my mind spinning out of control. Will we move? There’s no reason to stay where I’m not happy. Where will we move? I don’t know. I had sworn off California at one point. Now I’m open to anything. VV? Sheesh. It’s not like it used to be.

So for now I walk around every single day dizzy with thoughts and memories. Ideas and dreams. Questions unanswered. Where? When? It’s starting to become overwhelming and I find myself searching for missing links from my past. I’ve come across a special few. And I hold them close. Trying to recapture something I cherished at one time and make up for lost years. The thing is, while they’ve grown and accomplished things I feel as if I’ve been stuck in a time capsule and haven’t changed at all- other than aging. I have the same hopes and ideas, same silliness-which annoys some. Same as it did.

And so I ramble on… Same as I always have- and realize its already past midnight and I should be getting up in 5 1/2 hours- time to sleep. Hopefully the time I spent with the girls in the sun after work this afternoon will help my mind rest, and maybe dream of the hot air and blowing winds of my desert.

Wynoochee

Here I find myself at Camp Satsop off the Wynoochee River- no cell service, no Internet/wifi. And surprisingly I’m perfectly fine with that. Yeah I’ve thought a couple of times about checking emails and such, and of course wondered whether the certain “someone(s)” had replied to my previous messages. But all in all, it was a perfect escape from the technology ruled life I live.  Ariana Said several times over that she was bored. But then she picked up the guitar I brought along and started playing and singing her latest “fav” song. Priscilla combed the bushes nearby for blackberries and thimble berries. I kept the fire stoked and just let my mind wander. What more could I want than my girls outside breathing fresh air and my mind set free. Wish we had more time to hang out here. No internet, no tv…..
The owners of the place were very kind. Such hospitality seems rare nowadays. It’s a senior husband and wife team and “he” actually carried firewood to our site via wheelbarrow, offering to help start it if I needed assistance.  Our neighbors to the south were very friendly. “She” helped me get it started, stacking wood and stuffing empty pockets between the logs with newspaper and cardboard as she shared her story of how she came about raising her grandson. I love to hear people’s stories.
I’m still up now- at 12:49 am listening to obnoxious campers shouting and laughing in the center of the property- they either don’t realize that there’s an echo from that area or just don’t care.  I don’t. The sounds of fires popping, country music quietly playing, lovers whispering and friends sharing stories is just what I need to give me a restful sleep.  People living. People enjoying the great outdoors and having a good time.  Nice. 
Now as I finish this, knowing that I can’t post until tomorrow night, everyone’s going to bed. I’m the only one actually up sitting by the fire. I hear tents being zipped closed, snores, an owl not so far off. With my phone battery at 9% it’s time to hit the sack. Sweet dreams, and happy camping. 

Ariana had dibs on the camera for the trip home. Following are all her shots. 

Thimble Berries

I’ve been a bit lost of late, and found myself spinning in circles making myself dizzy until I was reminded that I was setting myself up for disaster.

I am so thankful for the loves in my life, be they friends or family, for without them I would be another lost soul wandering the earth waiting for the end of my existence.

I’ve been reminded to slow down and open my eyes again. So I did. And this is something I saw today…. Thank you love, friend, for guiding me once again back to myself.

Run

Exactly what I want to do….run. Fast. Hard. To nowhere in particular. Until my lungs scream at me to stop and even then I’ll keep pushing. 

I have a great imagination. Always have. I think I’ve finally realized that I need to keep it in check. Starting now. Or maybe not—-

I started writing stuff down about a year and a half ago-things that happened to me or to people close to me, and all these memories and vivid images began flooding my mind. Suddenly I’d pop up in bed in the middle of the night with this sensation that I was at a specific place and time in my past. Or I’d stop in the middle of something and a familiar song or scent would send me back to a classroom in 1988……Most of it was from high school. So much happened and my life and mind changed drastically in the last two years that I spent in the desert.

Everything continued to change, as life does. People came into and out of my life, and I made friends, and lost some. I learned things and taught things. A lot of changes. The one thing that has remained constant…. I run. Not for sport. Not for exercise. For survival. For sanity’s sake. When things are no longer in my control I have to get away, disappear…..I’ve done it hundreds of times. Literally. Now I find myself in that mind set again, the pattern has begun and I don’t know if I can stop it. The endless pattern that has me searching for something-what it is I don’t know. The crazy thing is, I thought I was alone in this. But I’ve come to find there are others like me. That should be a comfort, knowing that I’m not alone in this-but it just makes it worse knowing that there are restless souls, lost and afraid to stop running. My brain says, “be positive, relax, you’ll find your place” my heart says, “run”.

Yakima

Tags

road tripping, Yakima

I’m so tired right now. My eyes keep screaming at me to let them close but I wanted to get something up here before I go to bed. I can be such a procrastinator.

So I took a drive to Yakima yesterday-had a conference there and originally planned to make it a family road trip across states, but things changed and it was just me rolling down the highway-windows down, hair whipping out the window, radio blasting…. It was AWESOME!

I am trying to come out of my shell and learn to talk to people-SO hard for me. But I did it. I started out my afternoon at the 2nd Street Bar and Grill in Yakima, rolled down the street to the Speakeasy, hit the hotel lounge-Johnny’s, and ended my night at the Sportsman. Met a couple of people, chit chatted with the bartenders, and decided that there’s a whole wide world of people eager to tell me about themselves. This is just a beginning to a long journey.

And one of the pics I was able to salvage from my mess of blur and over/under exposure. Only one because I’m beat. Goodnight.