Sleep Calls

Tags

ramblings, Sleep

It’s been a long week going from department to department- location to location. I learned a lot though and saw more of Aberdeen in one day than I have during the entire year and a half that I’ve been here. It’s been an awesome week for sure, though tiring.

When I am worn out I tend to think entirely too much. Then I start to feel and get all weepy over the most ridiculous things. Like today talking to a friend who has been there for me the past several months while I’m trying to adjust to being a single mom completely on my own. Crocodile tears from out of nowhere. Or maybe a release from the tension I have holed up inside me from all the changes I’ve been going through.

I’ve cut ties with people who were dragging me down and in the meantime found myself very much alone. More alone than ever before in my life. Especially since around the end of last year. So this friend sends me words of encouragement via text and nonsensical things to laugh about on FB. I’m planning on visiting her and her girls early July. My girls and I really need to get away and be together with friends.

So I suppose I just wanted to end my evening with a positive thought in my head so I can hopefully get some sleep. I have a feeling this will be a difficult night. Hopefully I’ll be drifting off soon.

Slower Still

At times find myself feeling overwhelmed by situations that I believe are are much bigger than they actually are. Of course I don’t usually realize how much I’ve blown things up in my own head until I finally slow down and stop trying to figure out what’s going wrong. Fortunately it doesn’t happen too often.

Moving out to the country was the best decision I’ve made in a very long time. I’ve been slowing down and breathing in the little moments in life. It’s so much easier for me to relax and take time with my girls for fun things-like chasing Priscilla’s bubbles, or taking her for a bike ride. Or quiet times like sitting on the porch watching the sun fade behind the trees.

Today we hiked part way down to the creek that is in the woods on the property. Of course, Princess Priscilla had to be carried-can’t get thorns scratching those precious baby legs of hers-ugh. Ariana was a trooper though. I could hear her behind me “ooch”ing and “ouch”ing as she stomped through the blackberry bushes and over dead tree branches, trying to push them out of her way with a stick. But she didn’t complain, didn’t once say she wanted to stop or go back.

These times are precious to me. I’m nervous about Ariana moving into her teens. I don’t want her to feel I didn’t take time out for her, or that I was too busy with my own life to care about hers. Of course right now I’m sure it’s just another day for her and Cilla, but I hope I can teach them to slow down and see, feel and breathe as they grow.

f/stops, shutter speed and ISO’s….all Greek to me.

I’ve started taking a “Beginning Photography” class and find that I have much to learn. I’ve had some incredible tips from a friend and am looking at different sites to learn the more technical aspect of it all. I’ve always loved taking pictures. I’ve wasted a whole lot of film and now that everything has gone digital, (I still want to learn to develop film-there’s just something about film) I have thousands of pictures on my computer and have had well over a thousand on my phone at one time. So easy to “point and shoot” although I want to be more in control-so classes it is.

But back to the technique. I decided that without an instructor at my beck and call to answer questions as soon as situations arise, I will take a topic for myself, print out articles and pound pavement to put  what I’ve read to action. I spent my lunch hour this afternoon doing just that.

With the sun in my face and a cool breeze coming off the Wishkah, I sat for a moment with my eyes closed listening. I heard birds playing. An elderly couple having lunch at a picnic table twenty yards away. There was traffic on the highway behind me and I heard water splashing on the rocks. I started with a basic setting and started taking pictures.

My intent was to take a few, come back to work and post one here. But of course, I forgot my cable at home on the sofa by the door-where I was sure I wouldn’t forget it. So until I get home, here’s one I took a while back at the Fern Hill Cemetery in Aberdeen, Washington.

And a disclaimer. I don’t claim to be a photographer or a writer. I’m just getting it all out on this blog. And it feels great.

Title Optional

And it’s a good thing the title is optional because I don’t have a clue what this will be about. I am sure of one thing at this very moment: I have to get things out. But as soon as I felt that the words were going to flow as they did when I wrote years ago, my five year old jumped into my bed and asked me, “why don’t cats wipe their butts” There goes my flow..

Over the last few months I’ve rekindled a “friendship” with someone close to my heart. It’s been a new experience for me-getting to know someone without physical contact, without the benefit of verbal communication, body language, or tone of voice. And there have been some rocky moments, but having distance between us has actually proven to be a safety net for me. I have a poor record when it comes to relationships whether with friends or lovers-falling quickly and deeply, then watching it all get sucked down into this convoluting vortex of muck. So went my marriage. Good riddance.

Now I find myself in a new place, just me and my girls who, with their innocent faces and impish behaviors, keep me on my toes-usually trying in vain to keep from falling over laughing. Perhaps this blog will be nothing but a place to record memories for them to reflect on in the future and share with their children when I’m long gone. We shall see.

At this very moment, hearing my little one’s sleepy breathing next to me is a calling…. my pillow calling me to rest.